Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Making Amends

Today I'm going to write a letter to someone I need to make amends to. I find this process both difficult and joyful.

While it feels wonderful to 'fess up and admit what I did that was harmful, manipulative, controlling, and hurtful, the part of me that feels shame about this hates having to admit what I did.

So I do things to avoid writing the letter; like looking on the Internet for the exact way I should write it (even though I've written a couple of letters like this before, so I don't need to know the exact way to do it). This is an avoidance technique. And so, quite frankly is this blog entry.

I'm aware that my avoidance of writing this letter is based on the belief that "I have to do it right." I mean after all isn't "there a right way to do things?" And "my friend will think so poorly of me," or "she'll be right and I'll be wrong," or "I'll look like a fool if I write this letter."

And there they are, those lovely beliefs, the ones that cause me stress and keep me separate from others and most importantly from myself.

So I've got some Work to do on those beliefs (again for some of them), and there's a letter I'm looking forward to writing. I'd best get cracking!

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