Freedom...

"I" am whatever shows up in this moment. If there is any such thing as freedom--and there isn't--it is realizing that.

I say there is no such thing as freedom, because "I" cannot possibly know how "I" will think, act or feel--ever! I cannot control that. I cannot manage it. I cannot predict it. I cannot change it.

I used to believe that I controlled myself; that I was in charge of my reactions, my emotions, my thoughts. I actually believed that "I" was the power that ran "me," that "I" was in charge of myself. I spent a lot of effort trying to control this "me," only to be frustrated over and over again. I spent a lot of time and money attending workshops on how to manage myself, manage others, manage my expectations, manage my thoughts, manage my emotions, become empowered, help myself. Now, I understand that "I" have no power to manage or control anything, because "I"--the collection of beliefs, thoughts, emotions and behaviors I think of as Natalie--doesn't exist. In fact, it never existed.

Now I understand that all there is is the One, manifesting itself in each moment. There is no separation from that, and there is no way to know or control how It will appear.

Because of that, there is a kind of suspenseful wonder, a holding of the breath. What will the Absolute, masquerading as "I", do next? What will "I" think? How will "I" react? It is thrilling to realize that "I" never had control--of anything--and to understand that "I" never will. Perhaps that is the real freedom...