Whatever Form Appears

Question:  Given your non-dual realisation, can you identify what was the essential factor, method or practice that allowed you to notice or realise your natural, non-dual state of being or realisation in a permanent way? Does remaining in non-dual awareness, for you, require effort, or is it effortlessly spontaneous? I have practiced meditation and studied in many traditions for many years. I have made good progress, with many non-dual realisations through time. However, I have not been able to realise my essential nature in a permanent, stable manner. Buddhist meditation is my main practice, however, I am very interested to [know] how I can permanently realise Self with instruction from any and all traditions and those who are awake. How to do this? I know that I am the absolute and utterly complete. There remains that disconnect, however subtle, that is an apparent barrier to recognising here and now, all that I am.



Answer: There is a flaw in the question you ask, which is leading you down a dead-end road, and this is creating the apparent barrier of which you write. You ask if there was a method or practice I used to notice or realize my non-dual nature and you ask how you can do this. The flaw is the use of the words "you" and "I". Having nondual awareness is not something that "you" can do. It is not something that "I" did. Nondual awareness just happens (and feeling separate also just happens). 


A more effective question might be, "What or Who is It that has or does not have nondual awareness?" Ask yourself, "Who is It that is using a method or practice? What is It that is trying to realize Its non-dual state of being? Who or What has practiced meditation, studied in many traditions and made good progress?" Isn't the One "with many non-dual realisations through time" the same One who has "not been able to realize Its essential nature"? 


The answer to all these questions is the same--It is (as the sages have said through time) the One, the Absolute.  No matter which state is appearing--nondual realization or a sense of separation--it is not "you" experiencing it, nor is it "you" causing it. It is the Absolute. It is never NOT the Absolute. 


When you say, "There remains that disconnect, however subtle, that is an apparent barrier to recognising here and now, all that I am," you are failing to recognize that "all that you are" in any moment is what appears in that moment, whether what appears is nondual awareness, a feeling of separation, or any other thought, state or emotion. "You" are simply a manifestation of the Absolute, and sometimes "you" are aware of that and sometimes "you" are not. And "you" is always and only a manifestation of the Absolute, whether "you" realize it or not. 


Realize that nondual awareness will not change what appears by one iota. "You" will not suddenly have continuous, uninterrupted nondual awareness, continual bliss or continual anything, because when nondual awareness shows up, the "you" that sees one state as 'enlightened' and one state as 'unenlightened' will no longer exist. All states (and all experiences for that matter) are manifestations of the One--nothing more, nothing less.  


Therefore, longing, seeking, meditation practice, awareness, non-awareness (even the experience of "you") may continue to appear. And "you" have not been, nor will "you" ever be the one experiencing it or causing it. There is nothing that "you" can do--no method, no practice, no meditation, no belief--to get yourself there, because "you" are already That; That is already "you," in whatever form (thought, state of being, awareness, emotion, physicality) that appears. 

Freedom...

"I" am whatever shows up in this moment. If there is any such thing as freedom--and there isn't--it is realizing that.

I say there is no such thing as freedom, because "I" cannot possibly know how "I" will think, act or feel--ever! I cannot control that. I cannot manage it. I cannot predict it. I cannot change it.

I used to believe that I controlled myself; that I was in charge of my reactions, my emotions, my thoughts. I actually believed that "I" was the power that ran "me," that "I" was in charge of myself. I spent a lot of effort trying to control this "me," only to be frustrated over and over again. I spent a lot of time and money attending workshops on how to manage myself, manage others, manage my expectations, manage my thoughts, manage my emotions, become empowered, help myself. Now, I understand that "I" have no power to manage or control anything, because "I"--the collection of beliefs, thoughts, emotions and behaviors I think of as Natalie--doesn't exist. In fact, it never existed.

Now I understand that all there is is the One, manifesting itself in each moment. There is no separation from that, and there is no way to know or control how It will appear.

Because of that, there is a kind of suspenseful wonder, a holding of the breath. What will the Absolute, masquerading as "I", do next? What will "I" think? How will "I" react? It is thrilling to realize that "I" never had control--of anything--and to understand that "I" never will. Perhaps that is the real freedom...

Peace

In the dualistic perspective, peace feels a certain way and peaceful people look and act a certain way.

This is a trap. It keeps us striving to achieve this thing we think of as peace. But by this very definition, peace, in this sense, must have an opposite. This opposite would be any state or action that we would think of as not peaceful (such as agitation, restlessness, upset, anger, annoyance, violence, war, etc.).

Since this "peaceful" state is held up by many as a sign of enlightenment or as a path to enlightenment, we see it as desirable, worthy of our effort, worthy of our striving. The common supposition is that if we strive to achieve a state of peace, we will be closer to enlightenment. What most people don't see is the contradiction inherent in that. Strive for peace. Hmmm...

So, in this dualistic perspective, what happens to us when "non-peaceful" states arise? We are compelled to change them. We must fight against them. We must strive to remain or return to a state of peacefulness. In other words, we must become less peaceful. We are trapped. Trapped by our lack of understanding about what true peace is.

The way out of this trap is to realize the limitations of our imagined idea of peace. For many, the imagined idea of peace is that when we achieve it, we will no longer feel any of those "opposite" qualities of peace. In other words, we will no longer experience feelings of agitation, distress or anxiety--any state that could be thought of as "not peace."

And THAT, that belief that peace feels and looks one way, but not another, is what keeps us trapped. True peace is an understanding that ALL states of mind, ALL thoughts, ALL feelings and ALL behaviors, are simply forms of the One/the Absolute--including agitation, distress, and anxiety. True peace is realizing that nothing about these states of being needs to change (including the desire to change them). Nothing needs to be made to be other than what it is.

This is the peace we are striving for, and it is already here.

Perfection

Perfect--what I am. I used to strive and strive to be perfect, never guessing never knowing that I already was what I wanted. Now I know there is no other way to be. It is not possible for me to be less than perfect.

Perfect--what everyone else is, as well. I used to believe that others were flawed, wrong, at fault, evil. Now I know it is not possible for anyone to be less than perfect. And even the beliefs that would say we are, are perfect.

Perfect--what happens in each moment. I remember struggling to control events, people, time itself. Things were either not good enough or too good and gone too soon. Now I know that whatever happens--and I mean WHATEVER--perfect. Even feeling that this moment is less than perfect--perfection!

Perfect--the world, the universe, all that is.  It is not possible for anything, anyone, any moment to be other than perfect. Not possible.

Some definitions for perfect (from the Google online dictionary):

• Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be
• Free from any flaw or defect in condition or quality; faultless
• Precisely accurate; exact
• Highly suitable for someone or something; exactly right
• Absolute; complete

Perfect--synonymous with complete, consummate, utter, lacking nothing, cannot be improved upon, total, flawless, ideal. Absolute.

The End of Seeking

It's done...the end of seeking. Now, it is just assimilating (for lack of a better word). Perhaps now it is just allowing, just living.

Mind still wants to spring out with questions, "Yes, but what about this? Okay, but what about this?" And that, too, is good, is It, That, All.

It quite literally feels like "I" have been stopped. Like "I" am the bullets and "I" have been stopped. What has stopped "me" is the realization that there is no "me." Literally, the understanding that there is no "me" because all that there is is simply That/the Absolute. ALL that there is, ALL that there isn't. Nothing is not That. NOTHING is not That.  And in that there is recognition that That is also "Me."  "Me," the wonder, the fear, the awe, the questions, the analogy, this blog, the words, the light in the computer, the bullets, Neo, the hallway, the contemplation of the bullets, recognition, not recognition...all are That/the Absolute.

Ego runs to hide, to escape. Twists and turns on the hangman's noose of Reality. And that, too, is the Absolute.

There is absolutely no escaping from This, because there is nothing outside of This. There is nothing to change, nothing to think about, nothing to decide on, nothing to take action for or against. There is no need for an "I," because "I" is pointless...it is nothing, having no power or individual identity; no separate existence or reality. There is nothing even to do with this realization. It is done...literally..."It" is done.