Expectation

Are you expecting non-dual realization to look like something in particular?
     Yes, I was expecting it to be the end of suffering.
Do you suppose that realization of the nondual nature of all will end suffering?
     Yes, I thought so. I was thinking that non-dual realisation would end suffering and would change experience in some way, like maybe there would be an experience of love.

If you are expecting realization to be something other than what you are experiencing now then you will miss it. Realization is understanding that there is only THIS, whatever THIS is. All there is, is what is happening right now, and right now, and right now--WHATEVER that is. And all that is, is the One/God/Life/the Source expressing Itself as the infinite variety of forms that appear in the world. What you are looking for is already here, right here, right now. You are already IT. You cannot be not IT. Nothing and no one cannot be not IT. There is nothing that IT is not and there is nothing that is NOT it.

Please understand that when I say that, I mean it literally and I mean EVERYTHING--thoughts, feelings, emotions, people, animals, things, ideas, etc. ALL are IT appearing in these supposedly separate forms.

Realizing the nondual nature of all does not mean an end to those things that we think of as negative or bad or wrong. Those are labels that are applied to some of the forms that the Infinite expresses Itself as.  Who says that you are suffering? What is it that is suffering? If there is nothing but the One, what then is it, that is suffering? Even the idea that you are a separate being, experiencing suffering, is merely the One experiencing Itself as a separate being experiencing suffering.

Again, please understand that I am not merely being flip or casual. The illusion that we will somehow experience the end of suffering, the end of negativity, the beginning of endless bliss, are deeply ingrained in some of us. I am being direct, because that is what it takes to see this. The willingness to give up EVERY concept, EVERY idea that there is anything other than THIS, that nondual realization will change ANYTHING or has any relevance. 

You say that you thought  nondual realization might bring an experience of love? It will, but not the love that most of us think of as love. It will be love in the form of a complete and utter knowing that whatever appears is okay, does not need to be changed, does not need to be fixed. It is complete and total surrender to whatever is happening (and YOU are not the one surrendering, because YOU will no longer exist). It is the complete and utter infatuation and fascination with Itself.

Peace

In the dualistic perspective, peace feels a certain way and peaceful people look and act a certain way.

This is a trap. It keeps us striving to achieve this thing we think of as peace. But by this very definition, peace, in this sense, must have an opposite. This opposite would be any state or action that we would think of as not peaceful (such as agitation, restlessness, upset, anger, annoyance, violence, war, etc.).

Since this "peaceful" state is held up by many as a sign of enlightenment or as a path to enlightenment, we see it as desirable, worthy of our effort, worthy of our striving. The common supposition is that if we strive to achieve a state of peace, we will be closer to enlightenment. What most people don't see is the contradiction inherent in that. Strive for peace. Hmmm...

So, in this dualistic perspective, what happens to us when "non-peaceful" states arise? We are compelled to change them. We must fight against them. We must strive to remain or return to a state of peacefulness. In other words, we must become less peaceful. We are trapped. Trapped by our lack of understanding about what true peace is.

The way out of this trap is to realize the limitations of our imagined idea of peace. For many, the imagined idea of peace is that when we achieve it, we will no longer feel any of those "opposite" qualities of peace. In other words, we will no longer experience feelings of agitation, distress or anxiety--any state that could be thought of as "not peace."

And THAT, that belief that peace feels and looks one way, but not another, is what keeps us trapped. True peace is an understanding that ALL states of mind, ALL thoughts, ALL feelings and ALL behaviors, are simply forms of the One/the Absolute--including agitation, distress, and anxiety. True peace is realizing that nothing about these states of being needs to change (including the desire to change them). Nothing needs to be made to be other than what it is.

This is the peace we are striving for, and it is already here.

Perfection

Perfect--what I am. I used to strive and strive to be perfect, never guessing never knowing that I already was what I wanted. Now I know there is no other way to be. It is not possible for me to be less than perfect.

Perfect--what everyone else is, as well. I used to believe that others were flawed, wrong, at fault, evil. Now I know it is not possible for anyone to be less than perfect. And even the beliefs that would say we are, are perfect.

Perfect--what happens in each moment. I remember struggling to control events, people, time itself. Things were either not good enough or too good and gone too soon. Now I know that whatever happens--and I mean WHATEVER--perfect. Even feeling that this moment is less than perfect--perfection!

Perfect--the world, the universe, all that is.  It is not possible for anything, anyone, any moment to be other than perfect. Not possible.

Some definitions for perfect (from the Google online dictionary):

• Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be
• Free from any flaw or defect in condition or quality; faultless
• Precisely accurate; exact
• Highly suitable for someone or something; exactly right
• Absolute; complete

Perfect--synonymous with complete, consummate, utter, lacking nothing, cannot be improved upon, total, flawless, ideal. Absolute.

The End of Seeking

It's done...the end of seeking. Now, it is just assimilating (for lack of a better word). Perhaps now it is just allowing, just living.

Mind still wants to spring out with questions, "Yes, but what about this? Okay, but what about this?" And that, too, is good, is It, That, All.

It quite literally feels like "I" have been stopped. Like "I" am the bullets and "I" have been stopped. What has stopped "me" is the realization that there is no "me." Literally, the understanding that there is no "me" because all that there is is simply That/the Absolute. ALL that there is, ALL that there isn't. Nothing is not That. NOTHING is not That.  And in that there is recognition that That is also "Me."  "Me," the wonder, the fear, the awe, the questions, the analogy, this blog, the words, the light in the computer, the bullets, Neo, the hallway, the contemplation of the bullets, recognition, not recognition...all are That/the Absolute.

Ego runs to hide, to escape. Twists and turns on the hangman's noose of Reality. And that, too, is the Absolute.

There is absolutely no escaping from This, because there is nothing outside of This. There is nothing to change, nothing to think about, nothing to decide on, nothing to take action for or against. There is no need for an "I," because "I" is pointless...it is nothing, having no power or individual identity; no separate existence or reality. There is nothing even to do with this realization. It is done...literally..."It" is done.