Expectation

Are you expecting non-dual realization to look like something in particular?
     Yes, I was expecting it to be the end of suffering.
Do you suppose that realization of the nondual nature of all will end suffering?
     Yes, I thought so. I was thinking that non-dual realisation would end suffering and would change experience in some way, like maybe there would be an experience of love.

If you are expecting realization to be something other than what you are experiencing now then you will miss it. Realization is understanding that there is only THIS, whatever THIS is. All there is, is what is happening right now, and right now, and right now--WHATEVER that is. And all that is, is the One/God/Life/the Source expressing Itself as the infinite variety of forms that appear in the world. What you are looking for is already here, right here, right now. You are already IT. You cannot be not IT. Nothing and no one cannot be not IT. There is nothing that IT is not and there is nothing that is NOT it.

Please understand that when I say that, I mean it literally and I mean EVERYTHING--thoughts, feelings, emotions, people, animals, things, ideas, etc. ALL are IT appearing in these supposedly separate forms.

Realizing the nondual nature of all does not mean an end to those things that we think of as negative or bad or wrong. Those are labels that are applied to some of the forms that the Infinite expresses Itself as.  Who says that you are suffering? What is it that is suffering? If there is nothing but the One, what then is it, that is suffering? Even the idea that you are a separate being, experiencing suffering, is merely the One experiencing Itself as a separate being experiencing suffering.

Again, please understand that I am not merely being flip or casual. The illusion that we will somehow experience the end of suffering, the end of negativity, the beginning of endless bliss, are deeply ingrained in some of us. I am being direct, because that is what it takes to see this. The willingness to give up EVERY concept, EVERY idea that there is anything other than THIS, that nondual realization will change ANYTHING or has any relevance. 

You say that you thought  nondual realization might bring an experience of love? It will, but not the love that most of us think of as love. It will be love in the form of a complete and utter knowing that whatever appears is okay, does not need to be changed, does not need to be fixed. It is complete and total surrender to whatever is happening (and YOU are not the one surrendering, because YOU will no longer exist). It is the complete and utter infatuation and fascination with Itself.

Whatever Form Appears

Question:  Given your non-dual realisation, can you identify what was the essential factor, method or practice that allowed you to notice or realise your natural, non-dual state of being or realisation in a permanent way? Does remaining in non-dual awareness, for you, require effort, or is it effortlessly spontaneous? I have practiced meditation and studied in many traditions for many years. I have made good progress, with many non-dual realisations through time. However, I have not been able to realise my essential nature in a permanent, stable manner. Buddhist meditation is my main practice, however, I am very interested to [know] how I can permanently realise Self with instruction from any and all traditions and those who are awake. How to do this? I know that I am the absolute and utterly complete. There remains that disconnect, however subtle, that is an apparent barrier to recognising here and now, all that I am.



Answer: There is a flaw in the question you ask, which is leading you down a dead-end road, and this is creating the apparent barrier of which you write. You ask if there was a method or practice I used to notice or realize my non-dual nature and you ask how you can do this. The flaw is the use of the words "you" and "I". Having nondual awareness is not something that "you" can do. It is not something that "I" did. Nondual awareness just happens (and feeling separate also just happens). 


A more effective question might be, "What or Who is It that has or does not have nondual awareness?" Ask yourself, "Who is It that is using a method or practice? What is It that is trying to realize Its non-dual state of being? Who or What has practiced meditation, studied in many traditions and made good progress?" Isn't the One "with many non-dual realisations through time" the same One who has "not been able to realize Its essential nature"? 


The answer to all these questions is the same--It is (as the sages have said through time) the One, the Absolute.  No matter which state is appearing--nondual realization or a sense of separation--it is not "you" experiencing it, nor is it "you" causing it. It is the Absolute. It is never NOT the Absolute. 


When you say, "There remains that disconnect, however subtle, that is an apparent barrier to recognising here and now, all that I am," you are failing to recognize that "all that you are" in any moment is what appears in that moment, whether what appears is nondual awareness, a feeling of separation, or any other thought, state or emotion. "You" are simply a manifestation of the Absolute, and sometimes "you" are aware of that and sometimes "you" are not. And "you" is always and only a manifestation of the Absolute, whether "you" realize it or not. 


Realize that nondual awareness will not change what appears by one iota. "You" will not suddenly have continuous, uninterrupted nondual awareness, continual bliss or continual anything, because when nondual awareness shows up, the "you" that sees one state as 'enlightened' and one state as 'unenlightened' will no longer exist. All states (and all experiences for that matter) are manifestations of the One--nothing more, nothing less.  


Therefore, longing, seeking, meditation practice, awareness, non-awareness (even the experience of "you") may continue to appear. And "you" have not been, nor will "you" ever be the one experiencing it or causing it. There is nothing that "you" can do--no method, no practice, no meditation, no belief--to get yourself there, because "you" are already That; That is already "you," in whatever form (thought, state of being, awareness, emotion, physicality) that appears. 

This is the Higher Level

There's this misconception out there--one that I held, too--that once someone is "enlightened" or "realized" that they will suddenly become more loving, kinder, more tolerant.  To put it frankly--what a crock of sh*t.

One of the people I considered a teacher of mine used to say, "I lie." I used to think it was because it wasn't possible for her not to lie, since from a metaphysical point of view, you could say nothing is true. However, now I see that she may have also been saying, "I lie," meaning, she's a person who lies, knows she lies when she could be telling the truth and lies anyway.

When people behave badly in traffic; I get pissed. Has any of that changed, since I got my final answer? No, absolutely not. Because understanding what's really happening here doesn't change anything!  I don't have more control over myself. I haven't become a more loving person. I'm not improved or evolved. I just see now that whatever happens is as it should be, including "a woman stole my parking spot" and "I chased her down and called her rude." That's what happened (although that of course is a story of the past).

And this makes sense to me. If "God is everything" or there is such a thing as the Absolute, or however you want to say that, then everything is God. Everything. Nothing can be excluded from that, including the things that "we" think of as "bad," like lying, cheating, stealing, killing, etc.

There's this popular belief right now that human beings are evolving to a higher level; a higher level, meaning a level where we will no longer do those "bad" things that the so-called unevolved beings that we are right now are currently doing. We'll no longer have things like war, global warming, violence in the home, violence in our thoughts, gossip, malice, etc.  We use this arbitrary measuring stick of goodness to try to control ourselves and others; to separate ourselves from Truth and Reality (in other words, what is happening right now) and reinforce our sense of identity.

Have we considered that the supposed higher level we are all evolving to is really just understanding that this is all there is? This is it. This--what's happening right now--is the higher level.