Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Real Intimacy

There's something happening lately that just totally blows me away. I'm beginning to experience what true intimacy feels like, and it's NOTHING like what was ever experienced within this organism before. In fact, what was experienced before is so far different from what is being experienced now that it seems ludicrous to use the same word for such disparate states.

I remember striving and striving to have intimate moments with people. To experience the connectedness that so many of us desire and long for. I'd heard how it was possible. I'd gone to workshops looking for it. I'd tried so many things to feel connected to and intimate with my friends, my family, my boyfriends, my husband and most importantly myself.

I tried physical contact--sex, hugging, massages, touching, holding hands. I tried mental contact--exchanging ideas, listening, trying to understand another's point of view. I tried emotional contact--opening up, sharing secrets, baring my soul, total emotional honesty. But even in the most intensely emotional or physically orgasmic moments, it still felt like something was missing. The barrier to intimacy wasn't that something was missing, though. It's that something was present that needed to go.

The "thing" that needed to go was the belief that "I" could experience intimacy. Identity needed to disappear. What needed to leave was the sense of "me-ness," me experiencing intimacy. Because, that's not possible. It was not possible for "me" to experience true intimacy, because when I believed there was a "me" there was automatically separation. "Me" implies "you" and once that happens, there's no way for true intimacy to occur.

Without "me" however, there is absolutely no barrier to intimacy. Can you imagine it? Imagine not having any sense that "you" are involved, that there is a "you." There is just All That Is/the Absolute/God, and the Absolute is experiencing Itself through the multitude of forms that It appears as.

So now, intimacy is more like this: a woman named Natalie--which is the Absolute, experiencing Itself hold Itself--in the form of coffee in a cup, converse with Itself--in the form of a friend, listen to Itself--in the form of music, breathing Itself through the form of lungs and air, think Itself through the form of thoughts, feel Itself through the form of emotions, and on and on and on.

It appears now that intimacy is all that's happening here; the Absolute exploring and experiencing every aspect of Itself. No separation. True intimacy.

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